All You Need Is Love: An Aspie Attempt At Dating

After posting my resume on my blog a few days ago and doing a grassroots campaign to get more publicity of this blog on social media, the desired outcome was decent. While I got more likes on my Facebook page and it seems as though more people are now following the blog, posting my resume didn’t necessarily give me the desired impact that I was hoping for. But, like anything, that kind of stuff takes time, so for now, I’ll table that and hope that one day soon, my resume gets noticed. Remember, #HireAnAspie, we can work too!

The self promotion of my resume and my blog aside, today I want to talk about something that I have struggled with for several years and still continuing working at… dating.

Yes, dating, the mysterious yet ever in-my-face thing that is in all it’s glory, a relationship between two people. As you may or may not know, I’m currently single. Also, I should tell you right now that in Facebook terms, my relationship status has read single for over 24 years. That’s right, not once have I been in a relationship, not even one of those cheesy two week relationships that you have in middle school. Nope, you should just call me Han because I am Solo.

Stupid puns and detail of my singleness aside, having Asperger Syndrome definitely plays a role in my lack of a girlfriend. For starters, I tend to have a hard time spinning a conversation long enough that it actually gets past the small talk stage. In college whenever I would approach a girl, the three questions I would always ask her would be: What’s your name? What’s your major? Where are you from?

At this point, the conversation might continue on for a minute or two longer depending on her answers to those questions, but most likely, the conversation would die off soon after the question about where she was from and it’s at that point that I would slowly back away. Yes, I would literally start to back up and turn around to find another group of people to converse with. Not the greatest tactics I’m sure, but as someone who is socially awkward most of the time when meeting new people, the back up and walk away, as I like to call it, was the fighter pilot ejector seat version of me bailing on a bad conversation.

Not all of my experiences have been bad. I’ve actually been on several dates, thanks to this little thing called online dating. Yep, I’ve done online dating. In fact, I have a one-month subscription to right at this very moment. Although I’ve been on and off Match about four or five times since I graduated college, each time, I’ve come away disliking my results and saying that I’ll never get back on Match again. But, just like how Eve was drawn to the apple in the Garden of Eden, I just keep going back.

I will say that I’ve been on some good dates as a result of Match and I’ve been on some not-so-good dates. Like clockwork, except for right now, my experience on Match has always followed the same pattern.

1. Sign up for Match and starting talking to a girl within a week of being on the site. 2. Girl and I start communicating at a rapid pace and start texting each other within a week of online communication. 3. Girl and I have a meet and greet. 4. While on date, I either talk too much or not enough. 5. I feel like the date went great and then I don’t hear from the girl for two or three days. 6. When I finally hear from the girl, she tells me that while I’m a great guy, I’m just not what she’s looking for.

Literally, those six steps happen EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

My life is like How I Met Your Mother and I’m always Ted. Like Ted, I’m always searching for that one “it” girl, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to find her.

In a way, I think things always play out like this because on every date I go on, the girls always seem to be able to sense the overwhelming excitement level that I have. For some reason, while I try and always play it cool, I come off as the guy who acts like this is the first and only date I’ll ever go on in my life. Also, since I don’t reveal my Asperger’s, most of the girls think I’m just socially awkward for no reason.

The one time I did actually tell a girl on the first date that I have AS, is actually the only time I’ve ever gotten a second date. Oh and by the way, on the second date, she told me I should date someone with less experience. Thanks for your honesty lady, you have a nice day too.

Anyway, at this point in my life, I would be lying if I said that I’m not constantly thinking about trying to settle down and find the right girl for me. Many people say that I should date someone else who has AS, but the trouble is, I haven’t really met another girl yet that has it. That, and the fact that everyone else I’ve gone on dates with is Neurotypical, which is fine. As long as I’m attracted to the girl and I enjoy her company, I don’t care who I date. Well, I mean like anybody I have my ideal girl, but you get the idea.

While I know I can’t have the perfect girl, to me if there was such a thing, my perfect girl would be named Maggie and she would be a nurse. I’ve always loved the name Maggie, I don’t know why. And a nurse, well I think I’ve always been attracted to girls that are nurses because it’s their job to care for people, literally. That and they deal with a lot of interesting people, so my social quirks and occasional silliness would be nothing new.

If anyone out there happens to know a girl named Maggie who is single and is looking for a guy, you know where to find me. If this Maggie you know happens to be a nurse, I’ll just give you a million dollars right now for your greatness.

Look, I know that dating like everything else, takes time. I also know that dating is a two way street. Both parties need to like each other for the relationship to start. At this point though, I do get a little discouraged on occasion and wonder if I really will find a girl. I mean, odds are, at this point, the chances of me dating someone who hasn’t dated before also, are slim to none. I know that whoever I might date, will probably be coming into the relationship with more experience than I have. With that in mind, all I can really say is that whoever that first girlfriend may be, she better leave a good impression, because if we ever break up, she will have set the standard bar for relationship expectations after that. If though I marry the first girl I date, well that’s obviously fine as well.

I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t even know what will happen tomorrow. One thing I do know though is that I have a lot of love and joy to share with a lucky girl out there. As I’ve said many times, my AS isn’t all of me, it’s only a small part of me. And that small part won’t stop me from continuing to search for a significant other who I one day hope to find.

I’d like to leave you with a quote by author Robert Fulghum.

We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”
Robert Fulghum
One day, I too, hope to fall in mutual weirdness.